


It all came crashing down

by Who_da_celia13



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Gen, Self Harm, emotional/physical hurt/comfort, im sorry this is Bad, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-09-18 12:48:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9385913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Who_da_celia13/pseuds/Who_da_celia13
Summary: Spencer is suffering from depression and anxiety and is overwhelmed by almost everything so she picks up a nasty habit(Her friends find out and confront her about it)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It takes place in between seasons 3-4  
> Sorry if this is bad I'm just really bored  
> I do not own pretty Little Liars
> 
> I am sorry if there are misspelled words and I do not use commas or periods 
> 
> Enjoy!

Spencer rolled up her sleeve and stared at her arm tracing the scars that covered it she then picked up her razor and gazed at herself in the mirror only seeing something she didn't like so she plunged the razor into her arm and and sliced away all the hurt all the pain all the bad memories and thoughts she moved the blade to a new spot and did the same thing repeatedly watching the blood roll down her arm tears overflowed and spilled streaming down her cheeks not because of the pain but because of who she had become the Spencer Hastings she knew would never intentionally hurt herself but the Spencer Hastings she is now would she would try to avoid her friends and skip meals sometimes going a day or two without food her friends had no idea that she wanted to kill herself at this thought she remembered that they were going to meet at the brew this morning "shit" she cursed herself washing off all the blood and wrapping her arm so that the blood wouldn't seep through her shirt she left the bathroom and headed straight for her room she decided to wear a baggy sweater with skinny jeans she pulled up her pants and carefully slipped on the sweater making sure not to move any of the bandages on her arm she then proceeded to put her hair up in a tight bun she looked at the time it was 7:12 she ran over to her wardrobe and grabbed her eyeliner and purse and dashed down the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

When she arrived they had already ordered and had been sitting on the couch by the window she placed her order and went to go join them they said hi " you were supposed to be here 20 minutes ago where were you" Hanna asked Spencer plopped down on the chair next to the couch " I got up late" she responded " so what are we talking about" Emily looked at her and raised a brow "we're talking about A, this was your idea remember" Spencer nodded her head "yea of course" "anyway" Aria says "if red coat is the leader of the A team and we think Ali is red coat why are they coming after us this whole thing started because of Ali" "true but don't we think that Cece is red coat" Emily said with a waver in her voice "yea but why is she targeting us we never even met her before she opened up her botuque across the street" Hanna blurted out "well maybe she's after Ali and she thinks we know where she is" Aria said in a low whisper Spencer wasn't even paying attention she was tangled up in her thoughts going back to this morning and a time when Ali told her that she should kill herself after complaining about test Grades _"shut up Alison" she said vigorously  "its only the truth your always constantly complaining about a test score or sports you should just save the breath and kill your self" Spencer was infuriated at Ali but later she realized she was right Spencer was always complaining for no reason sure it was stupid but nothing worth killing your self for damn she thought only if I had listened to her "_ spence" she was yanked from her thoughts "uhh what" she mumbled they were all looking at her "come on spence pay attention we need your brains" Hanna said in a light snarky tone "hey are you okay you seem nervous" Aria said leaning in closer to her "yea you've been tapping your foot the whole time" Spencer lied and said it was just the coffee kicking in but it was actually the pain her arm was stinging like a motherf***er and she just wanted to go home and go back to sleep so she told them "look can we pick this up later I gotta go my mom wants me to help her sort through some old case files before school" they all looked at her with concerned eyes "hey spence what's wrong you know you can talk to us" Emily said in a kind compassionate voice "nothings wrong I just gotta sort through a lot of case files" she said quickly before leaving the brew she practically jogged to her car when she Finally got some privacy she dug through her purse looking for- "aha here they are" she grabbred a bottle of pills from the bottom of her bag and popped a few in her mouth they were pain killers and right now she really needed them.


	3. Chapter 3

Spencer opened her locker door and shoved her books in only to pull out more books she swung her door shut which was louder than she thought because she got a few awkward glances from people standing next to her she walked mindlessly down the hallway until she ran into Aria who was just leaving Mr. Fitz's room she stopped and gave her the 'Spencer Hastings  _really_ Look' Aria just blew out a breath and continued walking down the hallway she asked Spencer if it was bad to be in love with two people at the same time Spencer snorted and said " in your case, yes" Aria frowned and replied " great that's just what I need in my life right now, seriously could things get anymore complicated" Hanna walked up to them with a flare in her eyes "so the whole sorting case files thing how'd that go" she said with a bit of anger in her voice Spencer immediately felt threatened and opened her mouth to speak but Hanna cut her off "why'd you lie, what was so important that you had to walk out on a conversation about Ali and lie to us about it" Spencer hesitated making sure to choose her next words wisely "I-I needed to go meet Toby about his mom" Aria nodded "okay but why were you so out of it this morning" "I just have a lot on my mind right now" With that Spencer brushed past them and headed for her AP Latin class in which the whole time she was spacing off and thinking about the little tisk in the hallway 

_how the hell did Hanna know she was lying, it was probably because of how unbelievable it was her mom would never let her sort through her case files, did Hanna stop by the house? And Aria she noticed how distracted she was undoubtedly Emily did too they probably talked about her after she had left, god why was she so stupid seriously case files she could've easily came up with something better but she's too dumb she can't do anything without f***king it up, now she wanted to cut again she wanted to cut a lot._


	4. Chapter 4

The last bell rang and she walked briskly out the door just wanting to get out of here and away from these people she returned to her locker and collected her books Hanna, Aria and Emily came up to her and told her there was an emergency they lead her to the first floor bathroom where they cornered her "so what's the emergency" Spencer asked egarly Aria took a step towards her and said "you are" Spencer furrowed her brow in confusion "what" "you've been wearing long sleeves for the past few weeks, which is weird considering that your closet consists mostly of short sleeve blouses" Hanna said softly Spencer's heart stopped  _had they really found out about her secret_

"Because it's cold outside, and by the way my closet does not consist of mostly blouses" "spence you know you can tell us anything" Aria said putting her hand on Spencer's shoulder "we just want to help you" Emily added Spencer folded her arms and straightened herself "what are you talking about I'm fine" Hanna narrowed her eyes "fine if nothing's wrong then roll up your sleeves"

_oh god they know they found out how in the hell did they find out, they know your a freak you're so f***king stupid, god****it what are you gonna do, you have to lie you have to come up with a really good lie, tell them it was an accident-no they won't believe that tell them that you have to leave to go see Toby just get the hell out of this bathroom_

"No" "then your hiding something" Emily said with concern written all over her face "no I'm just cold, I have to go to meet Toby" she turned on her heel and headed for the door but Hanna stepped in front of her "no you're not leaving until you tell us the truth" Spencer was getting more and more anxious the longer she was there she was about to bust they were all crowded around her asking questions she didn't want to answer all she wanted was to leave "I SAID IM FINE, LEAVE ME ALONE" she pushed past them and left the bathroom practically running to her car so she could get away she felt tears stinging her eyes she pulled her car door open and slammed it shut she dug the key in the ignition and sped off.


	5. Chapter 5

Spencer pulls up in her driveway and marches inside she already had 18 missed calls and texts from her friends but she just ignored them she went to her room and flopped down on her bed she closed her eyes and plummeted into her thoughts

_f**k f**k f**k how the hell did they find out did somebody tell them, it was probably A that a**hole knows everything but it doesn't matter how they found out because they know you cut yourself they know your crazy, why in the hell didn't you just kill yourself this morning at least then you wouldn't have to put up with this bullshit, you should go kill yourself you need to go kill yourself do it before they have a chance to stop you before it's too late_

 

Spencer got up and got her blade and went to the bathroom she ran the tub and sat in it not even bothering to take her clothes off she began to cut letting the red droplets roll down her arm and drip into the clear water eventually the water was a dark shade of pink her arm was completely covered with scarlet red lines she thought she heard something but she just blew it off as hearing things from the loss of blood she closed her heavy eyes and whispered "I'm sorry" not a moment later she heard someone yell her name her eyes poped open it was Toby he rushed to her side and pulled her out of the tub he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her arm she started crying Toby pulled her close and rocked her back and forth murmuring "shh its okay it's okay" after a minute or two he scoped her up in his arms and carried her to her room he layed her on the bed and ran back to the bathroom to get gauze when he came back she had stopped crying he carefully bandaged her arm he asked her with tears in his eyes "why Spencer why would you do this" she just shrugged and said "because I hate me and I just want to die" Toby let out a sob and replied "well I'm not gonna let you" he crawled into bed next to her putting his arms around her skinny figure they stayed like that until she fell asleep he then pulled out his phone and texted Emily to come over right away.


	6. Chapter 6

Spencer and Toby were sitting at the kitchen Island in awkward silence neither one of them making eye contact.

Spencer was starring into a cold cup of coffee her mind racing. She was startled by a gentle tapping on the door. She didn't move, gazing at the door she knew who it was. The tapping rang through the house again, Toby looked at her then got up to answer the door. 

Toby stepped aside letting her very upset looking friends in. Spencer stood up not sure what to do next. Emily opened her mouth pausing before she spoke " look Spence we don't know the whole story but we're willing to listen" "and help" Aria added.

Spencer nodded and pursed her lips still unable to find words or make eye contact, she just starred at the floor. "Why Spence, why would you do this" Hanna said softly. Spencer opened her mouth intending on telling them that she was struggling but all that came out was "I don't know" she shot each one of her friends a quick glance before returning her focus to the floor.

"I'm so sorry Spence" Emily said walking up to her and enveloping her in a tight embrace. "For what?" Spencer questioned "for not being there for you Hanna, Aria and Toby moved closer to her, Emily finally let go "no, I'm the one who should be sorry, I've been lying to you guys and manipulating you into thinking I was okay and I've been a really sucky friend lately" Spencer said tears slowly starting to well up in her eyes "hey, no you've just been having a rough time, we understand" Aria went in for a hug and pulled away one arm still wrapped around Spencer she lead her back over to the island where they sat down "so do you wanna talk about it" Hanna asked Spencer shook her head "not really" "well then is it okay if we spend the night" the persistent blonde replied Spencer cracked a small smile looking over at Toby for approval he grinned and she accepted Hanna's offer.

 

A few hours later after everyone had drifted asleep Spencer was lying awake starring blankly at the ceiling rethinking her life now that her friends knew. She sat up looking over at Toby laying next to her in bed sleeping he looked peaceful she then looked down on the floor where her friends had been resting.

They were sprawled out on the floor, Aria was curled up in a little ball clutching to the  thin blanket trying to get warm. Emily was laying flat on her back looking just as graceful as ever. And then there was Hanna limbs stretched out and snoring lightly.

She smiled at her odd but amazing group of friends. she laid back down watching her boyfriends chest rise and fall and then she realized that she had all the happiness that she could ever need passed out in her room.


End file.
